i swear i hate this life so much that i'd rather die. how i wished i was not even born into this world, how i wished i'm non-existant. and the me now is no more the me yesterday. you do not know me anymore. not even those of you who knew my deepest thoughts in the past. and in he past, no matter how much i thought i'm immune to all the crap thrown at me, the truth is that, i'm not, i still get broken by them. anw, i will still put in my very best academically and still pass my FTT and obtain my driving license. i will try my very best to be a staff nurse who has the license as a registered nurse and care for patients and not use it to 'kill'. i will now half live life the way i should, to get to the life i want. while the other half....that's where no one will know. unless ur the one who i trust, i shall tell. but, not now, we shall see in time to come. so now that it's no longer the old me, i shouldn't use this old journal anymore. i'm shifting. (:

my weekend was AWESOME! loved it to pieces! saturaday went for dinner at Lobster Restaurant in simei ITE for my granma's bday.. food there was great! and the company was even better! everybody were there, all 16 of us, except uncle seng who's in pakistan and his family. ohwells. but i simply love that few hours we had together. from having the 3 cars going all around and swopping passengers along the road, till we all headed home.

after our lobster dinner, we all marched into uncle randy's for coffee. initial plan was to go changi village for another round of makan and coffee, and MY TREAT! but it kinda drizzled, so we ended up at my uncle's for the rest of the night.

sunday morning as usual was church time, then homed to nap. ohya, start before service started i recieved an sms from aza. simple, but made me have palpitations! 17june, wednesday, butterfactory. WTF! i'll be away la! ahhh... i wan! i don't care, second week of hols! haha.

anw, then at 4pm sharp, uncle francis and his wife drove to our place to pick us up and off we went to plaza sing! met up with aunty joanne and rika there. actually wanted to get crocs, but didn't in the end. haha.. walked around and i got a pair of Papillio! haha! nicely. homed after dinner with uncle fancis and family. and as usual, my wonderful drinking buddy at home, aunty christ wanted wine! so we drank over popcorn chicken. after they left, i started stressing for today's NSL prac.

and i passed!!! got trachy dressing. (:

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uncle called, my aunt answered, called me to the phone.... apparantly! a half kind hearted soul, which happened to be a chinese guy found my Coach poach, and hang my IC and other cards at the old house gate!!! but kept my Coach, Anna Sui mirror and adult ezlink card to himself... wtf. best part, left a piece of paper with it with his name and number written on. hahaha!!! my uncle asked if i know that guy i said no then he say then no need call and threw away the paper. zzz....

so now the whole story is out! i fucking got a lecture from my aunt. and now bday Balenciaga bag is back to pending!!! WTFUCK!!! i must sweet talk her abt it soon mann. LOL!

and then...... they were sitting around the living room finally venting and ranting abt the old flat and my parents. talking abt how people come and go, liking the house but asked abt the paint and all. ohGod! he told me to tell my father fucker abt changing IC address and all. i was like 'my problem again!'... he also said that there was one day he brought my cousin, his youngest son to old airport road to makan and to the place where they lived last time, which is also where my fatherfucker and his mom and all living now. and father was standing outside enjoying the scenary, smoking, looking at trees and birds all, like very free liddat. zzz! and when he saw my uncle and cousin, he kinda said smth to them and like showed why are they even there. *sigh*

u know what, whenever they talk abt all these infront of me, i really DO NOT know how to react. its kinda tearing me apart deep inside, like wtf is that father trying to do and stuff... cuz i understand how my uncle and aunts feel. i know! but i can't tahan when they keep pulling me into the picture. AHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! gimme a break!!!

long tiring week man. after school today, got into cab to go chinese gardens mrt to train home home, but after dropping ying, sandra and i were like shall we just cab back home... haha! knowing me, of cuz i said yes la. good part abt having people living in the east(: 2 pasir ris people, wonderful. she made me jealous, clubbing night for her bascally. ahhh~ slept immediately upon reaching home. have been out till late this whole freaking week and not sleeping well.

monday! wenta marina with xuan to watch angels and demons, very good movie basically. and as she said, the movie was a killer and the shopping was OMG! haha!!! she spent so much like nobody's biz.. so proud of myself, i just merely got 2 liners(: just 2 of them, nothing else! but we planned alr, 31st may, we're gonna each get a top from Desigual! ;) i love the 150bucks top that i tries, perfect for school, jalan jalan and clubbing!

tues, supposedly to watch angels and demons for the second time at downtown east but ended up not going. i kinda slacked at white sands macs then wanted to walk home. on the way home, i went to the pasir ris fishing park there and floated thru the beautiful green trees. then at the cross junction home, i looked up to the door and didn't wanna get thru it yet, so continued walking thru the playground behind blk210, childhood memories basically. lol. and to LP 7eleven to get ciggs. sat at voiddeck smwhere near church and smoked. just needed some alone time... finally homed at 6+.

wednesday... i CUT my HAIR!!! i still haven regret yet. haha! hopfully not. yea, wenta marina to cut after school. before that, i floated around city link and marina square by myself and got the gift for xuan. best, i'm loving the process of wandering around alone more and more!!! oops. then went for mid-week service.

yesterday, ended at 530 la! no diff!!! our dearest mr peter lim is getting strict about dismissal time now. ohgod!!!!!! reached home 7+ and left for church shortly after. haha..

and now, i should be leaving for cell in an hour's time, but i'm feeling super lazy. if to cab, got surcharge!!! aiya...

watched uninvited with jasmine yesterday then went for arrow before meeting xuan.. (:
its a movie worth watching. arrow was great. and before arrow jasmine and i were being just so bitchy and of cuz, i win, i'm bitchier. thanks! u must get this point, it's in me and that's what i always do best. haha! but still went for arrow cuz xuan and i settled in for meeting at 730 at suntec. was called out for the dunno what caption's ball this next sat at sentosa, try me, i'll go MIA on that day.

dinnered with xuan at foodcourt, seperately from the rest! yea baby! then cabbed to Brewerkz for drinks. we got cosmopolitan, that k shooter which i forgot the name, indian pale ale beer and another beer which i also forgot the name. hahaha... nice nice. but i think last night was not so much about the drinking, but the catching up we had. she revealed so many mind-blasting stories to me. and i mean it, mind-blasting. all i could respond her was OMG. yeah, that bad. haha! and we talked and talked and talked. about everything and anything. from the mind-blasting stories to everything about life and travelling.... loved it. been a long time since we talked like that. cabbed home after. movie with her tmr after schooool!!! so exciting!

but this morning after service at BPMC, my aunt told me smth that i think is a wakeup call for me. she said they went to my uncle's for dinner last night and he asked why nowadays i don't go over for dinner. this made me think, and part of me felt bad. like, these dinners and all with family, i always look forward to, enjoy and cherish. but now, i'm always not around, not even on sundays when my other uncle and his family comes over for dinner. i'm hardly around for these things now. i don't know. heh, time to do smth about this.

frankly speaking, why i go school is cu of the people there, not for lects and tutorials. hahaha!

today was really nice. even though i don't think my jacket matched what i was wearing, i still think it was fun. haha. 8-10 was WPD tut... nth much, cuz me and ying were sitting at the side playing PDA. xD

but NSL was funny la. i think i enjoy NSL classes more this year compared to last. not that mr peter is better, i still prefer ms ramani, but just the diff classmates i hang out with. oops! but yea, that's the truth. chua si ning, cheah wei ling, lim xiao jun all. nothing but jokes and laughter. and! today the whole class got our DRUGS!!! really.. from ameera! wahahahaha!!! even during the quiz we were happily eating. yea, in the lab, smore ms sara was just in the next class. lol. hair all not tied up, ppl in slippers... nicely. and the quiz was useless la, everyone referring to book and notes. and the rationale part everyone were literally copying from the book. HAHAHA!!! peter just can't do anything with us. badluck.

and yar! not forgetting to say, my lovely class is p06!!! love them. most of them i mean. ohya, this year got 3 extras who joined our class. hope that they'll be able to blend in then. lol. actually, i don't care abt that. haha.

and! in the bus home just now, i saw my ex-changkat enemy!!! eeeeeeee!!! stare stare all. WTF! i gave her the fucked up stare and shook my head at her pathetically. haha! omg, funny la, was trying to hold back my laugh so hard. and did it. (:

hmm, i better go nap for an hour or so before leaving for our drinks. cheers!